What To Do When Accused of Discrimination By a Client

Dear JHP: I just got accused of discriminating against a client. What do I do?

(I do not pretend to give legal advice. This is customer service advice only.  If you are already at the point where a law suit or termination is looking possible, get help from an attorney)

Before I can answer your question, I need to ask a question of my own.


Did you discriminate? Did you act a certain way not because it's agency or company policy but because:

• The person was rude or rubbed you the wrong way?
• You suspected the person wasn't being truthful despite having no evidence?
• The person reminded you of someone you dislike?
• You don't approve of the person's gender, race, religion, politics, gender identity, sexual orientation, age, or something else about him or her?
• You don't understand the person's language and/or culture and your communication with the person was frustrating for both of you?
• You were sexually attracted to the person and wanted to show your interest?
• You were uncomfortable with the person due to something you found 'odd' or 'different'?

• Did the person observe you giving extra privileges to a client with whom you have a longstanding relationship?
• Did the person observe you treating someone of another gender, race, religion, politics, gender identity, sexual orientation, or national origin differently than you treated him or her, when it could not be explained by differences in treatment needs?

All of the above are potential examples of discrimination. Not all of them rise to the level of legal discrimination, and protected classes of people vary depending on where you practice, but all of the above situations can be the source of problems between you and the person you're helping.

If you did discriminate,the first step is to recognize it.

Most of us try not to let our prejudices interfere with our work. Most of us, in fact, don't like to admit we have prejudices. We're good people. The words 'racist' and 'misogynist' and 'bigot' make us raise our defenses and point accusing fingers back at the person accusing us, because we're trying, we really are.

But this isn't about us and our feelings.

Accusations of bias are not about who we are – even if they're unjust – they're about how the client or customer feels he or she has been treated.

Listen to the person. Hear him or her fully and without interruption.Keep in mind that his or her own personal history is going to affect how he or she sees your interaction, and that you may have little control over that.

Mirror back what is said to you so you are sure you are understanding each other. Say, 'You think that I didn't give you a bus pass because you're gay (black, white, Christian, Muslim, etc.), and you think that is unfair.'

When you are sure you understand what the person's complaint is, stop and think about it.

Why did you make the decision you made? Were you following agency policy? Did you have to use your judgment to decide who had a greater need for a limited resource? Is the person really upset about what she did or didn't get, or about the way she was treated? What information can you give the person about your decision making process?

Act to make things right. Treat the person with respect and sympathy whether or not it is possible to give them the specific product or service he or she wanted. Apologize if you were ungracious or short tempered with him or her. Offer alternatives if possible, including referring the person to your supervisor if necessary.

Check to make sure the issue is resolved. Thank the person for their patience and patronage. You will not make every person you help happy. You will not be able to get him or her the service he or she wanted. But if you can make him or her feel like he or she was truly heard and treated as important, you'll go a long way toward addressing the person's feelings.

As for dealing with your own prejudices – and like the rest of us, you do have them – the only cure is constant vigilance. Do you find yourself avoiding certain classes of people, either out of fear or distaste? Try to get to know people in that group. When you catch yourself thinking thoughts like 'All (fill in the blank) are such and so a way and can't help it,' stop the thought and analyze it, and look for counterexamples.

Educate yourself about other cultures and groups of people. Education is often the best armor against prejudice.

To find more ways to help, return to Just Helping People

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