1. I have dreams. I may not tell you about them, but if you ask about them, and then show me how what you tell me to do lines up with what I want to do, I’m more likely to do what you ask.
2. Asking for help is embarrassing. It’s even more embarrassing when I’m asking and I really need help, but I have to lie in order to fit into the categories that get help. And yes, I do feel shame when I do it, but I won’t tell you that.
3. When I try to bully you, or manipulate you, I’m trying to get my needs met the best way I know how. If you respond to the need,rather than the tone, I might settle down. I may be trying to make you angry, but please don't let me succeed.
4. I don’t mind it so much when people say “no” to me, but I do mind very much if people say “no” in a way that makes me feel like they weren’t listening and I didn’t matter.
5. I may look bad. I may even smell bad. Personal hygiene can be very difficult if one is homeless, mentally ill, or both. Please try to understand, and be gentle if you must request that I make myself more presentable.
6. Yes, I did barter that item you gave me for cigarettes. Or maybe a joint. I am an addict. I understand that now that you’ve caught me, I might not get another, but please don’t write me off as a person. I’m doing the best I can.
7. I know it says 'anti-social personality disorder
' (or was that 'borderline personality disorder
'?) on that piece of paper. You think it means that I can’t change, so you treat me differently. Don’t bother to deny it, I know you do. The truth is, I can change, but it is very, very difficult. It will require a lot of effort from me, and a lot of support from others. Could you help me with that, please?8. I see you watching me screaming at the kids. Do you know how hard it is not to start beating them right in front of you? I know I shouldn’t, and I love my kids, but I’m so stressed, and they just won’t stop. Could you please offer to help instead of glaring at me? I’d really like to be a better parent, but it’s hard, especially when I have no one to help.
9. No, English is not my first language. You don’t need to speak louder for me to understand you, but if you see me struggling, please slow down and, if possible, find an interpreter. I speak two languages. I am not stupid nor deaf, just in need of assistance.
10. I don’t know you. I don't necessarily trust you. I don’t care how long you’ve been doing this or how much you know. There have been social service people in my life before, and there will be again. If you want me to trust you, you’ll have to be honest and respectful. Yes, even if I am not. Maybe especially if I am not.
Thank you for listening.
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I like number 10. A little shook by the link to the vile, enabling Kreger, but to each her own.
ReplyDeleteI don't have the strong negative reaction to Kreger you do. Her work has some problematic aspects, but I find several of her points useful for people without a clinical background.
ReplyDelete